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Men Who Stand (Part 2) “Men of the Gap”

It was a list of seven key definitions for men to begin using if they really wanted to “stand up and be real men.” The first two grabbed my attention and stood out among all the others. Allow me to share those two definitions with you. But as I do, ask yourself this one question: “Which one are you?” Better yet, ask you wife which one are you. (Ah-oh! I’m in trouble now.)

Wild Man: A term taken from “Grimm’s Fairytales” used by Robert Bly to describe a passionate man who is the embodiment of emotional strength and spontaneity.

Soft Males: Bly’s term for men who have lost touch with the Wild Men in themselves and lack the ability to act decisively or instinctively.

Did you read both of them? Back to back? Did you notice they go together? Did you notice they can’t coexist? I’m either one or the other. I can’t be both. Right now, as you read these words, you are moving in either one direction or the other. Wild Man or Soft Male? Which is it? I dare you to ask her. I said that just the other day to one of my clients. You know what he said? “Are you crazy? She’ll nail me like she always does!” Can you tell he will need a few more sessions?

But here’s what really worries me. Most men I talk with each week have no clue at all as to which one they are. It’s like erosion on the beach. They’ve never thought about it. Not once. That’s because silently and without warning each week, there is a very subtle, quiet “deteriation” taking place. Deteriation of what? Of what makes and describes A Man Who Stands. That’s exactly what we are talking about in this series you are reading.

In part one (stop and read it if you haven’t) I called it “Vanishing Masculinity.”

In that short piece I raised a central question: “How do we return to true masculinity?” I suggested that we must first begin with a new definition: (Here’s exactly what I said)

It all begins withour definition. Definition of what?

Masculinity.

In other words, it begins with our perspective…

...our minds...the way we think.

The battle for my heart begins in my head.

Becoming men who stand begins first and foremost with a change in our thinking.

Our thinking about us as men.

Once we have a clear definition, then we can proceed to the second critical ingredient for becoming Men Who Stand: A clear determination.

And what does that “determination” look like? If you actually saw it in action in daily life, what would you see? Allow me to first suggest what it does not necessarily look like.

It doesn’t look like the NFL: Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I personally know guys who are playing professional football. They are great guys. But delivering concussions does not guarantee they can “deliver” when it comes to Men Who Stand.

It also doesn’t look like “LA Fitness”: Again, I personally know guys who go there every single morning. Some go again after work every single evening. On weekends, they double their workouts. Most of them are men who all have an incredible set of “six-pack” abs. But that doesn’t guarantee they have a stomach. A stomach for being Men Who Stand.

Stay with me. I have just one more. It doesn’t look like a guy in his speedo in a tanning salon. Listen carefully. There’s nothing wrong with having a great tan. It looks a lot better than lily-white flaky skin. But here, once again, is the real problem. The tan doesn’t make the man. A ton of guys think it will, but they are afraid to admit it. Why? Because if the tan doesn’t do it with the ladies, they are out of options.

See my point? When we look around today at “masculine America”, it’s easy to assume certain things about what real men look like. Would you not agree? I thought so.

So what exactly does it look like today for us to be Men Who Stand? How about if we start by asking ourselves what God says that man looks like? When it comes to Men Who Stand, what has He been looking for in every generation? Does He actually tell us? The answer is not only “yes”, but as always, He “shows” us so we will have a model for masculinity. We don’t have to stutter when our sons ask us, “Daddy, what’s a man?” He said it centuries ago in another generation. He still says it today in our generation. Allow me to quote Him:

Ezekiel22:30

And I searched for a MAN among them who should 

(1) build up the wall 

...and...

(2) stand in the gap 

before Me for the land,

that I should not destroy it,

…but …

I found no one.

Let’s not miss what He’s looking for in a man: “I looked for a man among them…”(In the Hebrew, it literally means one among many in the land). They are men who rise up out of the masses. They are not in the majority. If need be, they stand alone. And no matter what they do to make a living, there are two things they do to make a life.

First, they are men of Restoration: “…who build up the wall…”

They are men who are giving themselves away to restore, repair and redeem that which is broken. They recognize brokenness and move toward it, not away from it. Their mission is to build up, not tear down…to construct, not criticize…to finish well, not just finish. Their focus is on that which has fallen, not that which is famous. They know the difference between living as a celebrity and leaving a legacy. They fully understand that a celebrity is what the world makes out of you as where a legacy is what God makes out of you.

Second, they are men of Confrontation: “…and stand in the gap before Me for the land…”

They step up, step out, and step in. To what? The “gap.” To put it another way, they gather at the very point of attack where the enemy has put a hole in the wall and is beginning to pour into the city. What they do is not popular. Not everyone will join them. Why? Because only a few are fully prepared to die. They are men who know that that is the one and only prerequisite to being fully prepared to live. They show no sign of being timid, indecisive, or afraid. There are no wimps in their camp. They are warriors. And whom do they serve? First, they do what they do for Him: “before Me.” And second, they do what they do for the safety of the people inside the wall: “for the land.” In other words, they lose their lives in the lives of others. They come to give, not get.

Now, I have a question for you. How many men do you know like that? Count them. The very first one that comes to my mind is my Dad. I had the privilege of learning from “a legend.” He wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t loud. And for sure, he wasn’t famous. He was just my Dad.

By the way, are you a Dad? With sons? If so, what are they learning as they simply listen and watch? Not just through your victories and successes, but more importantly, through your failures and mistakes. Or do they even know you have had any? What’s your real image behind the closed doors of your home where only your wife and children see you? Not your boss. Not your buddies. And definitely not your pastor. Who are you there, at home, where “life makes up its mind”?

I think, by now, you get my drift. Correct? And yet, there are still some who are reading these words at this very moment who down deep are thinking to themselves, “So what’s the big deal?

What does it really matter?”

Don’t miss the final two phrases in the verse I quoted from Ezekiel 22: “…that I should not destroy it…” What? You mean that what’s at stake here is “destruction” of the land, the culture, and even the people? Yep. That’s exactly what He means! And now, read those final four words. How many could He find? How many even cared? “…I found no one.” Nada. None. Not even ONE.

Do those final four words do to you what they do to me? I’m sitting here with my mouth open and I’ve read this verse hundreds of times. My reaction never changes. I’m still totally shocked and appalled. Are you?

May I be blunt? If you’re not feeling anything at this very moment, you’re either dead or drunk. Or maybe, you just don’t care. And that’s even worse.

Please hear me. I’m just one guy with one opinion. But I think this verse sounds exactly like our generation. Don’t you? And I’m getting a little worried because it’s getting a little late. Too late. For men, just like you and me, to determine, this very moment, that we will choose to become Men Who Stand. In order to begin to make this critical determination, we first must decide if it even matters.

May I make a suggestion? Put this note on your desk. It’s been on mine for many years. That way I have to see it every single morning. It goes like this:

“What Matters Most”

What matters most

in LIVING my life...

is GIVING my life…

to what matters most.

So you see, it’s really pretty simple. All I have to do today, and every day, is decide what matters most.

What did you come up with?