Blog

Why Porn & Secret Sex Grab a Man so Tight - Part 4

But that depends on how you define “counselor.” There’s a million of us out there today (correction! – “million” should be plural, as in millions). But not all of us use the same “authority” for where we get our stuff. You know, the ‘stuff’ we say in the little private office where we meet one on one each day with people from every imaginable walk of life (with some of us, the office is not so little – it’s actually more like a “lounge”!). I’m referring to the stuff we tell you in response to whatever question you walk in with that presently is eating your lunch.

I want to be very clear on a couple issues. Number one, “my stuff” is not my stuff. It’s His stuff. You know who I mean? I’m not embarrassed or afraid of being labeled when I tell men right up front each week that what I am going to share with them goes back to The Counselor himself. That’s his title that he uses to describe himself, not mine.

Number two, what I've been sharing with you is not real deep. There’s someone who wants you to think it is. There’s someone who wants to feed you an insidious lie and doop you into believing that you have an incurable disease that will never, ever go away. So you become convinced you’re stuck. You believe you have to have porn and secret sex. And then, you simply decide to live like it. Porn and secret sex become your ‘official’ go-to hiding place.

Please hear me. It doesn't take five doctorates to understand this evil addiction. I don’t have five doctorates. I barely have one. And just so you know, I haven’t ever spoken at Harvard, Cambridge, or Yale on this topic. Those are all awesome schools with some very distinguished faculty who have my highest respect. But being invited to speak or teach there on a topic doesn't necessarily mean you have the “final word” on that issue. Really.

All it requires for any man (or wife) to understand what I've been saying about the incredible “tug” of porn and secret sex on the male hard drive is simply being willing (and humble enough) to go back and read the book. I’m talking about The Book. The Book written by The Counselor himself (he also goes by "The Physician" I mentioned in Part 3).

So let’s do that for a moment. What have we said so far in the first three parts of this series? I'm going to phrase them word for word from the "Krug Therapy Manual." (It's not in print yet.) Think of them as ‘power points' because that’s exactly what they give you - Power. Power for what? Power to change. 

Power Point #1: Porn is not about porn. Secret sex is not about secret sex. It’s about one thing: Intimacy. An intimacy that we were designed for that we must have in order to be fully whole. Without it, we will be empty men and women on a search for fullness that lasts for a lifetime. My central message is that you can stop searching. Today.

Power Point #2: Intimacy simply defined means, “knowing fully and being fully known.” That is precisely what we are looking for when we dabble in (or major in) porn and secret sex. That’s what we think we've found when we keep going back over and over again to those two false comforters. And that’s really bad news because you will never find intimacy there. Those two wells are dry. They are both lying to you. They are counterfeits. Top-quality fakes. If you don’t believe that, just look at the fruit.

Power Point #3: You've heard the bad news. So, here’s some really good news. That real intimacy you’re searching for is already available and it can be found (stay tuned for Part 5). It will not lie to you. And you’ll love the fruit it produces in your life. And when you finally taste it, you won’t want to keep sampling anything else.